Don't Let Your Sizzle Fizzle

I got Oprah-ed! 

I had the opportunity to enjoy a weekend in Houston at the Toyota Center with Oprah Winfrey and her Trailblazers for her “Life You Want” tour.  I feel like I am living the “Life I Want”, but it never hurts to do a check-in and receive a little directional boost.  The weekend opened on a Friday night with a 90 minute welcome by Oprah, along with her humorous yet moving story and motivational tidbits.  As she arose onto the stage during her grand entrance, the L.E.D. lights in our neon wrist bands glowed a beautiful yellow, then energizing red.  Throughout the event they emitted different colors, depending on the speaker and the topic.  Our Saturday was a mix of speakers such as Deepak Chopra leading a meditation exercise and Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat Pray Love, sharing an inspiring story on following your curiosity.  She encouraged us with the comment that curiosity can be more inspiring and less frustrating than following your passion.  Oprah invited us to work through exercises in our notebooks between speakers, similar to exercises I utilize with my coaching clients.  They included creating a vision of the life we want around any or all of these areas - spirituality, health and fitness, family and friends, home and environment, hobbies, contribution to the world, significant other, career and money. Of course, the money section of Oprah’s vision had a billion happy faces emerging from it!

My girlfriend and I came away from the weekend energized, motivated and enlightened – ready to tackle the world.  On the way home, I asked her what she was going to do with the information. She paused and thought about it, not sure how to proceed with the overwhelming mix of ideas, exercises, and resources to investigate. She decided to commit to working on her wheel of life and vision for her future in each of the areas within it. 

But, would she be able to maintain the glow, like the lighted wristband, without the event to spark her energy every day?  My wristband is sitting on the bar counter separating my living room from my kitchen. I discovered, while driving home from the weekend, that when it was tapped lightly it would light up again. 

So how do we tap into that energy over and over again after attending a training class at work, viewing an inspiring Ted Talk on the internet, reading a book that makes us feel like “Wow, I could do that”, or immersing ourselves in an Oprah weekend?

Here are some ideas –

1   Start right away.  Before you walk away from a training class, inspirational message or event, decide what the first step is that you will take with the new information you have absorbed.  Make a commitment to yourself by telling a friend or writing the commitment into your planner or cell phone calendar.  Promise yourself you will do it and imagine how your life will be if you make this change.  Attach some emotion to the action.  Connecting a feeling to the new habit will assure greater success.  Don’t wait to decide – kickstart your action with this decision.

2   Create a visual of how you would like things to be after you make advice from the new information or ideas part of your routine.  It can be a drawing, a collection of pictures posted on your wall or a poster board, a vision board using a computer application or simply a picture in your mind.  Make a habit of looking at or thinking about the vision of where you want to be every day.  Be open to ideas and people that come to you and help you along the way.

3   Make a list of all the things you don’t want to happen in reference to your goals.  Then next to each of those write what you do want to happen as a result of the newly acquired event information.  Think about the obstacles in your way that prevent you from taking action. Focus on removing the obstacles and only look at what you do want to happen every day – not the don’t want list.  Concentrate on moving forward by staying focused on the positive.

4   Make a game or a competition for yourself or by competing with a friend to incorporate the new ideas into your life if this type of activity inspires you to action. 

5   Place the notebook or binder you received in your training in a convenient place, one where you will see it every day and be reminded of your new insights. Don’t let it get covered up with clutter or placed on a shelf out of sight.  The visual reminder will keep you thinking about and processing the new thoughts.

6    Share the information with another person. Teach them some of the exercises or highlights of what you took away from the event.  Teaching another person is one of the best ways to deeply ingrain the information in your mind and ensure you will use it.

7    Hire a coach to work with you to develop and implement an action plan for your visions and work with you to remove any obstacles in your way, like fear, doubt or negative self-talk.

Now, every time I pass that wrist band sitting there unlit, opaque and lifeless, I tap it gently on the counter and a beautiful colored glow randomly chosen from the three within it lights up again for a short time.  Some days when I need an extra boost I wear the band all day.  I am renewed and energized and on track to the Life I Want.  Are you?  Don’t let the taps grow fewer and farther apart.  Stay sizzling, not fizzling.

Saving Nemo!

My husband and I both happened to be working from home recently. We were taking a lunch break while playing one of our favorite card games, cribbage, in the front room. The window shutters were open and I could see clearly across the street.  It was garbage pick-up day.  To my surprise, our neighbors across the street had piled a bunch of toys atop the closed lid of their garbage can.  

From where I sat, they looked like brand new toys, especially the giant plush bright orange and white Nemo on the top of the pile. I couldn't believe they would throw away good toys. I'm a fervent recycler.  Toys, clothes and household items go to charity and cardboard, plastic and glass go to the recycle collection at the Ellington Air Force base nearby.  Surely there was something wrong with these toys for them to be on the corner waiting for the garbage collector.  My husband suggested they might have been chewed up by the dog or worn out and we just couldn't see it from where we sat.  So, I let it go for a while - but mentioned it again to my husband a little later in the morning.  Then I jumped into my work.

Not much later, I was interrupted by my husband telling me I had 30 seconds to decide.  "Thirty seconds for what?", I called out. "The garbage truck is coming around the corner!" he replied and I sprang to my feet.  I rushed out the door and quickly headed to the edge of the curb, jumping up and down and waving to catch the attention of the driver before entering the street.  Once I confirmed he saw me, I sprinted across street to inspect Nemo. He was in pristine condition - bright and white and not a tear or a spot on him.  I picked him up and examined the other toys. They too were in perfect condition. I asked the garbage collector if he wanted them. He shook his head so I scooped them all up and headed back to the house. The garbage truck with the laughing driver and workers headed off down the street.

All of the toys except Nemo are now in my garage in a box waiting to go to the Goodwill drop-off site.  

 

So, the lesson?  When there is an opportunity or a risk to take we hesitate, and think it over and dwell on the possibilities. Which is a good thing - to consider the options and the consequences.  But don't you sometimes find that in the end, you do what you were going to do anyway before all the thinking and procrastinating?  What are you waiting for?

Screaming Monkeys

I grabbed a few dairy items still left on my list, like yogurt and milk, and headed toward the checkout lanes by slipping through the toy aisle near the edge of the store.  As I worked my way up to the front of the store I was distracted by toys on either side of me and memories of some childhood favorites.  I noticed a small stuffed animal in the middle of the aisle on the floor.  My hardware retail store and customer service training fell into place as I stopped to pick up the fallen toy - everything in its place.  As I searched the toy bins to find its home I looked down at the toy in my hand and thought it looked familiar. 

Jay Leno had a bit on the Tonight Show a few years back where he demonstrated some toys he liked for Christmas.  One of his favorites was a screaming monkey sling shot. You placed your index and middle fingers into the little pockets of the monkey's hands, pulled it back like a sling shot and then let it fly. The little monkey screeched as it flew. And it could really go quite a distance. They looked like so much fun I went on-line that night and bought one for each of the boys.  They were fun but I am not quite sure where they ended up.  And here was the delightful toy in my hand - a sock monkey version - but the same screaming flying monkey sling shot.  I decided that the family needed another one, and also thought it would be a good prop for my risk taking talks, so I placed the monkey into my basket. 

 

When we take a risk there is always a little bit of anxiety - it can be barely detectable or to the point - almost - of the screaming monkey taking flight across the room.  What can you do to relieve some of that anxiety?  Consider the steps to more successful risk taking - 

Risk taking - a course of action or inaction, taken under conditions of uncertainty, which exposes one to possible loss in order to reach a desired outcome

• Clarify a goal - what is it that you really want to do and what will it accomplish?
• Evaluate ways to accomplish the goal - be creative and brainstorm options
• Consider your risk taking tendencies - stretch yourself beyond your normal tendencies but not too far
• Increase the reward/risk ratio - develop a prototype and test, share the risk with another person,  ask for more time to collect information
• Take action - just do it

See you at my next risk talk - and let the screaming monkeys fly!

Move On Up - to the Front Row

I find it interesting to observe where people place themselves in a room. 

When I am teaching yoga some new people come right up to the front so that they can see and learn the right way to perform the poses.  Others that want to hang back and relax and participate at a different level may set their mat down in the back row or back corner. Occasionally they get a little surprise when I move to the side or back of the room to lead the class through a few poses and all of the sudden they are the front row now.  

In cycle class those that really want to focus and work the hardest tend to resonate to the front of the room.  In the front they can observe their form in the front mirrors and make corrections.  I sometimes wish I could automatically turn all of the bikes in cycle as easily as I can rotate my yoga class, (by having them turn on their mats), so that the back row would become the front row. It all makes for interesting dynamics.

I was presenting to a group of technical professionals on perceptions and assumptions in a business setting.  I was part of a half day long combined trainings plus meetings for a group that was only together once a quarter.   The finance group was presenting after my talk.  After I finished, I grabbed my lunch and stayed for part of their presentation before I headed out, on to my next adventure. While I was eating my lunch I observed that there were a few technical females in the room but they were seated in the last rows in the back.  The finance group that was presenting also had representation but they were also seated at the back of the room around a round table.  I noticed that several of them were texting or checking e-mails on their phone while their co-worker was presenting. 

There are a number of reasons people take a back seat at meetings. Some don't want to be called on.  Some may not think they have anything to contribute.  Others may have work that needs to be done and they don't want to disturb others in the room while they toggle back and forth between listening to the speaker and answering e-mails on their laptop or their device. But the truth is - they aren't totally "there".  We are most effective when we are totally present with whomever and whatever we are involved in.

What do you need to do to be more present and effective in your personal and professional life?

Don't Take A Lazy Man's Load

My father was a wise man. "Don't take a lazy man's load!", he would say. That is when you have a bunch of groceries and you try to take all of the bags in at once instead of two or so at a time - and you end up dropping some or bags rip or - you get the idea. My father was a wise man.

So, the other day after a great day of golf with the members of the Women On Course in Houston, I was grabbing my golf shoe bag, water bottle, purse, and trying to get my golf clubs out of the trunk of my girlfriend's car with all of that still in my hands and over my shoulder.  The whole time I was thinking about my father's words of wisdom knowing that I was attempting a lazy man's load. But I am strong (and stubborn) and continued on - that last swinging lift of my golf bag knocked my shin. Yowser - "don't take a lazy man's load!"  

Sometimes when we are about to embark on an adventure or a simple step forward, we hesitate and ponder many options in our head. Fear has us trying to talk ourselves out of a very positive step but other times there are legitimate reasons to address the hesitations.

Don't ignore your intuition.  Couple it with your data and analysis - for a thorough and intelligent examination of any situation.

My father was a wise  man.

Don't Give Up - Try the Other Door

I was running errands the other day and triumphantly delivered my tax information to the accountant at the last stop.  Preparing all of our personal information and business information is quite a chore.  I try to look at our refund as payment for all of the time spent slaving over the Excel spreadsheets.  It helps alleviate some of my pain.  

I hadn't really had any time to just sit and relax and enjoy nature or meditate lately and decided to stop by the church that was right around the corner from the accountant's office.  When I sit quietly that is one of my best times for ideas to flow.  I love to go into churches when there are no services in progress.  The air is cool, the lights are low and the sound of your steps up the aisle and the flow of the baptismal font are the only sounds breaking the silence.  

I tried one of the main front doors to the church and found it locked. I tried the other doors and came across the same barrier to my entrance - locked!  "How could the church be locked?",  I thought.  It is the best time to enjoy some solitude. Surely there was some mistake.  It was always open on Sunday afternoons but this was a weekday.  Maybe the rules were different for the other days of the week.  I was going to write or call the front office and ask if they could change their policy of door locking so I could enjoy my visits in the future.  Ha - hardheaded reactive me.  I started to head back to the car disappointed.  Then I looked back at the church and remembered the side door. "Let's try a few more doors", I thought as I headed to the side entrance.  The door on the left was also locked but the one on the right was unlocked.  I opened it and slipped in feeling sneaky, like I wasn't supposed to be there and someone had forgotten to lock that door and someone was going to be in trouble.  Lucky me.  Not so lucky them.

I stealthily walked down the hallway and opened a door to the main part of the church and headed down the center aisle.  I found a pew up front by the altar and dropped the kneeler.  Ah - peace and quiet and escape from the hurried pace of a typical day.  

I must have stayed 20 or 30 minutes. A maintenance man and then a priest in plain clothes came in and out of the church but did not disturb me or try to drag me out of the church.  And the best part - ideas flowed. Ideas for parts of my books and problem solutions and other ah ha's. I left the church relaxed and happy and ready for the next work project.

Sometimes we approach a situation and the first thing we try does not work. So many people give up when they run into a brick wall or any small resistance.  I encourage you to "try a few more doors" - hang in there. You may be just one more door knob away from success.  Don't give up. 

Make the Call

I presented a workshop session for a group of 60 people for a client's annual meeting last year. They enjoyed it so much they invited me back to present on another topic.  We had worked through the details and the agenda was set.  In confirmation I was copied on the note that went out to the attendees and noticed that our final description was not included - but a copied agenda from a conference I presented at earlier in the year (though very similar).  That posting mentioned that I would be providing journals to all of the attendees.

Immediately many thoughts started going through my head. Should I go ahead and provide journals to all of the attendees and not worry about it even though it wasn't included in the fee?  Did I miss something in the discussions of what was to be provided? 

It didn't take me very long to make a call to the client to discuss the confusion.  It was all settled in seconds - they certainly hadn't expected me to provide the journals.

But I've heard so many other people in situations where there was a misunderstanding created through e-mail strings; people in a meeting wondering what a higher level manager was thinking and trying to figure it out on their own; or they are upset with another person because of an assumption they hold - and they wrestled with the dilemma without making a call.

It is a risk to make the call.  But it is also a risk to not take any action.

Make the call.  So many times a majority of the things we worry about never happen.

  

Remember the Dale Carnegie quote - " If you have a worry problem, do these three things: 1. Ask yourself: "What is the worst that can possibly happen?" 2. Prepare to accept it if you have to. 3. Them calmly proceed to improve on the worst."

If you would like more - read his book - "How To Stop Worrying and Start Living".

Change the Question - Change the Answer

There was a recent article in the Houston Chronicle regarding how the government is going to require automakers to equip new cars with technology that lets cars warn each other if they are headed toward disaster.  Though it is still may years off, it will be "game changing," as they say. It has the potential to drastically cut collisions, deaths and injuries.  Radio signals would transmit information back and forth about the position of vehicles, where they are headed, how fast they are traveling among other information.   Then the drivers would receive alarms, messages or the car might actually be programmed to react (i.e. automatically brake).  

So where did this come from?  Automotive safety used to focus on how to make sure we survived accidents.  Now, it has changed to how to prevent accidents in the first place.  Change the focus or the question and you change the answers.

Are you stuck making progress in a work or personal area?  What questions are you asking yourself?  Are you getting the same answers?  Try turning the question around.  

Consider a person who is bed ridden from an accident or surgery. You could ask - what kind of things could they do to entertain themselves while they are bedridden? (i.e. read, write, play games, watch tv,...).  If you change the question - how can we get them up and out of the bed and mobile? - the focus changes and the answers and creative ideas flow differently.

Consider a relationship that is struggling. You can ask - how do I get out of this relationship?  Or - what can I do to improve this relationship?  You could apply the same process to your job - how do I get out of this job or how do I make this job more enjoyable or challenging.

Change your focus and your question and you will change the answers and your life.  

Up and Down Lombard Street?

  

Lombard Street in San Francisco is known for the one-way block on Russian Hill, where eight sharp turns are said to make it the crookedest street in the world. The street has been in scenes in many movies and part of a comedy sketch by Bill Cosby where he jokingly remarks that the flowers are planted for those people who killed themselves trying to drive down the crooked street.  

I was so fortunate to be able to spend two weeks in this personal favorite City by the Bay in January. One week was with my family for vacation and the second week was for a conference.  On vacation with the family I rented an SUV one day so that we could visit Twin Peaks, (hills near the center of San Francisco with a complete 360 degree view of the city), the redwoods in Muir Woods and walk the Golden Gate Bridge. Most everything in the city is accessible via walking or public transportation but this would be the most efficient way for us to visit these landmarks in one day.  

At the end of our adventurous day we headed back into the city and toward our hotel.  There was a point where a decision had to be made to go right down a street toward our hotel or head up Lombard street at a very steep grade to only arrive at the top of the crookedest street in the world and drive down the hairpin turns.  My husband is gently advising "no - turn right" and my son is nudging me to head straight up Lombard street.  

I wasn't that comfortable driving the over-sized vehicle in a town where compact cars are the norm and in the past I always felt like my vehicle was going to flip over backwards when driving up steep grades. Maybe it was a bad dream, maybe it was a movie where I saw that happen, but I'm pretty sure there weren't any documented cases of cars flipping over backwards driving up Lombard street.  So, in my head this conversation was going on - talking myself into and out of heading up the hill.  

Up and over won out. 

I headed straight up the hill at the light instead of turning right. Adrenaline was pumping as I still wondered - "would we make it up without tipping over backwards".  

We did.

And we made it down the crooked street slow and steady.  

It was exciting - maybe more so for the kids i the back seats with mom at the wheel.  

Don't let assumptions and negative self talk keep you from going up and over the hill. You  might just be missing out on the time of your life and the opportunity to show your kids you're not a chicken!