Four Way Stop

 

I was at an intersection in our neighborhood with a four-way stop. As I started to make a left turn when it was my turn I stopped suddenly halfway through my turn. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a young teen running on the sidewalk toward the intersection. And as he neared the intersection, he showed no sign of slowing down. So, I paused, waiting to see what he would do when he reached the edge of the sidewalk. He just kept running - not even stopping for a glimpse of the traffic or to check if anyone was going to let him cross. 

I was so glad I stopped. Had I been on my phone moments before I turned I might not have seen him coming.  Had I not stopped - I might have hit him.

I could tell the truck driver to my left had no idea why I was stopping in the middle of my turn and he was probably a bit upset I was stopped directly in front of him. I can only assume as I was focused on the intersection situation and not what other drivers were thinking. The truck driver could not see behind him and probably didn't see the teen run into the street. I'm not sure how many other drivers actually did.

And therein lies one of our greatest problems. 

We are not paying attention and staying aware of our surroundings.

We are making assumptions when others act - and usually we aren't thinking the best of them - silently calling them names in our head - or maybe out loud!

But what if we put our phones down? What if we paid attention to our surroundings and what was going on around us and paid attention more closely to others and how they were feeling and checked in with them? What if...?

How much better would our world be and our relationships and our lives?

Stop - Look - Listen!

Modify the Recipe

Write As You Can, Not As You Can't -

(Enjoy Word on Fire - lesson here for all of us - writers or not - https://www.wordonfire.org/.../spiritual-lessons-for.../)

As an executive coach, I work with clients to bust their assumptions about what is possible, unleash their creativity to solve their problems and develop the courage to actually take steps to make their dreams happen.

When I'm keynote speaking, I always get questions regarding situations attendees are dealing with at work (or home) where they are looking for the one right way/answer. I caution them to pay attention to their intuition, experiences and knowledge and take any advice - books, so called experts, speakers, any source of the "right way" to achieve - with a grain of salt. Meaning - listen to what is being offered and modify it to make it work for you.

At a women's leadership conference I attended - I listened in on a panel discussion. An audience member asked about what to do when your idea is stolen in a meeting. Each panelist had a different suggestion on dealing with others taking your ideas. One said to let it go. One suggested speaking to them outside of the meeting. Another would bring it up to their superior. The last said to confront the situation right there. In my head I thought - "respond with - I'm so glad you loved my idea so much you are sharing it here. Let me share more details about it and how it would bring great value to the organization... I think the best answer would be - it depends.

There is a club for high performers called the 5:00am club. I share the technique in many of my talks. They suggest you get up earlier than normal - and start your day with an hour that includes 20 minutes of exercise, 20 minutes of meditation and 20 minutes of learning. DO NOT TOUCH your cell phone first thing. I share that you can play with the idea to make it work for you. It doesn't have to be 5:00. You can do it at 9:00 - you can do it in any order - you can do each part for one or five minutes instead of 20. IF you like it - take what you like and make it work for you.

TAKE IT AND MAKE It YOUR OWN - like recipes. Don't you typically take recipes you like and over time you've modified them a little or a lot to perfect it for you and yours?

If you'd like a clarification on any of this - or want to brainstorm your situation - give me shout!

This article link is about writing - and all of the "pros" telling you how to get your writing done - schedule time, first thing in the morning, .... But the best way is your way. YOU KNOW what works best for you.

Do it as you can, not as you can't!

Water Finds A Way

On a day hike in the beautiful Colorado Rockies, we arrived at the journey's prize - the waterfall. My son and I stopped to enjoy the view and the cold local beers he had packed in his hiking bag. It was a welcome rest and an amazingly relaxing area. The loud rush of the water over the rocks and the refreshing pop of the beer cans were two delights that added to the whole experience.

I was mesmerized by the water rushing over the boulders and down the hill. I watched it flow down the mountain past our cozy vantage point. It worked its way around and over rocks, quickly making its way past all of the obstacles it encountered. 

I think it provides a great metaphor for our risk taking journeys. To be like the water. Never letting any obstacles hold up your progress for very long. When you do come up against an obstacle - remember there is most always a way around or through it. The answer may not always be obvious at first, but with creativity and experimentation - you will successfully find a way to move forward. 

What lessons have you learned from past struggles? How could you apply that learning to barriers to action you are encountering now?

That is Such a Great Question!

When I was young, I was very quiet in school and did not typically ask questions in class. In later years, there always seemed to be a requirement for recitation credit to respond or ask questions during the semester. So, to get the grade I would speak up, but only until I had enough points to make my A. I would then retreat back into the observer mode.

Now, I ask questions all the time - and have frequently received the response - "that is a great question!" I'm a professional coach. Through listening and asking powerful questions - real understanding, awareness and breakthrough become possible for my clients. 

I remember as a young engineer asking a director how to get promoted to the next position. It was a very political answer - not one I was pleased to hear - with nothing really tangible or concrete that I could go away with and say I understood the expectations for advancement. But I do remember him saying that "maybe someday you will be in a meeting and you will ask a question and that will be the key". To think that waiting for an opportunity to ask a powerful question was my only route to the top. It wasn't the game I wanted to play but I kept it in mind. 

How do you get in a place to be able to ask those questions? It's simple. By listening, truly listening, with your heart and your soul (and not with a cell Phone in your face or your lap). By being engaged and coming to meetings or event prepared to participate. 

Through focusing - questions will naturally come to mind. Then - you just have to have the courage to ask. 

I've found it to be one of the easiest ways to network and get to know everyone in the room. When you ask a good question - people will remember you. I've been to some organization meetings that I attend monthly and invariably get - "oh, you were the one that asked that great question at the last event".

In a recent event there were two executives in a fireside chat about partnerships to advance technology in the energy industry. They were discussing how companies were working together to develop products or services. One of the most interesting ones I came across a few years before was Pumps and Pipes - heart surgeons and oil and gas engineers working together to share ideas and technology. After all, they both work with pumps and pipes! I mentioned this to the speakers in the Q&A part of the fireside chat presentation and asked about unusual partnerships they might have experienced. "Great question" they both replied. They did come back with some partnering you would never have thought up in a million years. And when I went up to speak with them after - they exclaimed "that was a great question" again and we started an interesting discussion on collaboration ideas.  

Take that risk and be the great question asker and watch doors open magically for you everywhere! 

The Story Behind the Facade

I love to go into churches between services when the lights are turned down low and the only sound is the trickle of the water in the baptismal font. When I visit San Francisco every year for a yoga conference, I head to the waterfront on foot from my hotel to get Ghirardelli chocolate. I always stop at a Catholic church at the halfway point to say a prayer and light a candle. It's such a peaceful time and spiritually renewing.  At home, I discovered that between 1:00 and 2:00 on Sunday afternoons was the perfect time between masses at my church and the choir practice (which I enjoy when they are practicing early). 

On this particular rainy Sunday I decided to stop by our church between services to review the reading and enjoy my quiet reflection time. When I arrived I noticed quite a few cars in the parking lot. Oh no! What was going on? Would my special visit be interrupted? Today it turned out to be some kind of tour. A gentleman was leading a group around the church explaining the mural, stained glass windows and telling stories about rosaries and prayer cards buried in the foundation. It was fascinating. It made the church even that more special to know some of its history - though it wasn't really that old - probably less than ten years. The tour finished less than thirty minutes after I arrived as I was soon left to the trickling fountain and flickering candles in the dim light of the afternoon. 

But missing half the tour left me wanting to know more. And knowing the half of the story I was privy to hear left me excited, intrigued and wanting to share my new found knowledge with my church going friends who might never have heard the story. 

So many times we fill in the blanks about people and situations and never delve into the real story behind the facade. What a treasure we are missing and what a risk it is to not find out what it really is. I invite you to share your story and delve beneath the facade in your relationships and in situations. You never know what treasures you will discover. 

Office Politics - To Play or Not to Play

When I graduated from college in engineering I had my heart set on a warm location, far from the cold winters of Michigan. I interviewed all over the country and ended up in Houston, Tx. Part of the attraction was the 70 degrees and sunny weather when I interviewed while at the same time it was snowing and freezing in Michigan. The other part was the beer I had for lunch with my future boss required two hands to hold (everything in Texas is bigger!). I narrowed my choices down to Shell Oil and Houston Lighting and Power. Their offices were right next to each other in downtown Houston. The money won (power plant experience helped!)!

The first day at work my boss took me around to all of the directors' offices to introduce me. I was something they had never seen before - a female engineer from up north that talked funny - and everyone wanted to meet me! I had a few executives visit me in my office. Each time one of them left, a fellow engineer from down the hall would run into my office and say - "do you know who that was?". I would reply - "oh yes - that was Ted ... or Don... or Jim". Then my co-worker would reply loudly with a slight tinge of fear in his voice that it was a VP over such and such department. I got the feeling he thought I should be scared. But I wasn't. I didn't know it at the time but it was my intro into the game of office politics.

Over time I experienced a few more learning opportunities. At one place all of management would come into work at 6:30am, (we started work at 8:00), and hang out drinking coffee just in case the executive called or dropped in. They wanted to make sure they were available. Another time an executive promoted all of the supervisors in his division to the open management spots, ignoring other qualified available candidates outside of his empire. Early on I inquired of a director what was required for a promotion to the next level and the response was a very subjective reply - asking a question at the right time, contributing to organization the company supported, and a few other vague responses.

I thought starting my own Company and working contract with organizations would eliminate some of the "game" - but it just shows up in a different way.

Whether or not you want to play - at least be aware that there is a game - and then decide HOW you want to play it. Stay on the clean side of the antics.

The most important thing to remember is that it is all about relationships.

Always be professional in your interfaces setting a standard for others. Confront gossip and other activities that are not supportive of a professional environment. Get some help managing relationships in your organization - whether it is from someone you see handling the office political arena exceptionally well or an outsider view point - find your champion. Get to know people, what their values and goals and expectations are and decide how to support them.

Office politics don't have to be a chore if you are aware of them and embrace the challenge.

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Do you have an office politics issue that needs attention? (even though we are mostly virtual - the game continues). Let's have a call. Sign up for a strategy session - 30 or 60 minutes - here. We will get you some strategies and an action plan. If you think working together in the future might be beneficial to you - we can discuss the next steps.

Graham Crackers and Homemade Chocolate Frosting

My mom always made homemade cakes for our birthdays when we were growing up. There were eight kids so that was a lot of birthdays and a lot of cakes. She usually had some frosting left over and my sister would pull out the graham crackers and dip them in the leftover frosting. What a treat!! If we'd been little entrepreneurs at the time we would have developed Dunkaroos - packages of cookies and frosting for dipping - but Betty Crocker beat us to it.

I have a journal that a friend gave me years ago with a note to write down all of the creative ideas I have. There are now hundreds of ideas on those pages. I occasionally go back through the book and am amazed how many ideas have already been produced by someone else - like the card holder for little kids' hands, the puppy carrier that straps on your chest and the beach lounger with a built in book holder. One friend once suggested to me that I write down all of my ideas in a book and publish it - All the Ideas I Never Had Time to Work On - and let other people run with them. That idea is still on the list.

We have so many ideas for new products or processes for the corporate environment or our personal lives that stay stuck in a journal or a folder or in our head. Why do they stay stuck there? The reasons are as numerous as the ideas. We may have thought at the time that the idea didn't have any merit so we put it aside. Possibly, we wanted time to develop it a little further before we shared it and we never found the time to reflect on it. Maybe we were afraid to speak up because we aren't comfortable bringing ideas to high level people at work that can give the go ahead? And what happened? Someone else came up with the idea later and ran with it, improved the work environment or processes immensely and now they are in the position we wanted to be. (Or with household products or games - maybe they are now a millionaire advertising their idea on the Home Shopping Network!).

What do you do with the ideas that pop into your head? How do you determine if they deserve your time and attention? How do you prioritize when you will address them? What one thing will you do going forward to make sure your ideas are heard and given the opportunity to thrive?

Remember that it is a risk to keep those ideas stifled. What are you losing by not moving them forward? Get moving!!